Zach Legino
Mrs. Boreson
Expository Writing
Winter Break Narrative
1/13/09
Winter Narrative
It was around seven thirty in the morning on December 28, in Orlando, Florida. My
Mrs. Boreson
Expository Writing
Winter Break Narrative
1/13/09
Winter Narrative
It was around seven thirty in the morning on December 28, in Orlando, Florida. My
family and I were trying to figure out what we wanted to experience on the last day of our
wonderful, yet short, seven day tropical vacation. Although we were not quite certain on exactly what we wanted to do, we figured that we would go to the only amusement park we had not been to yet. This park was Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure.
Finally at around eight in the morning, my entire family loaded into the three rental cars from Enterprise, and began the exciting end to our vacation. Luckily for my cousins and I, the drive was only about ten minutes from our resort. This was when we could tell that our patience was wearing thin after doing nothing but waiting for the past week. As we approached the park, excitement spread all over my family’s faces because of the fact we had never been there before.
After a kind elderly man directed us where to park, we pulled into our space with nothing but our bir Coloraco smiles. We immediately grabbed our bags and rushed to the ticket gate to enter the “Islands of Adventure.” Seeing as though it was fairly early, everyone was a little hungry, so we stopped at a little shop called Cinnabon. To be honest, this was by far the best pecan cinnamon that I had ever ate. After the enjoyment of the delicious roll, I knew that this day awas going to be amazing.
After eating we began our adventure through the very large park. My older cousin Greg and I seemed to be somewhat amused at the fact that everyone around us was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, as we were only weraring shorts. Following our trip on all of the main rides, my cousin Lindsey and I decided to take a peek at all of the shops in the super hero branch of the amusement park. As we were walking around, we passed a comic book store. So being as childish as we are, we walzed in to the store to take a look around. As we entered, I grew into complete astonishment as I saw the stacks of comic books. It was then that we decided to just stay there and browse the entire store, noticing that there were even heroes neither of us had ever heard of.
Preceeding our journey through the comic book store, Lindsey and I met back up with the other members of my family. Our parents decided it would be a good idea to leave in order for us to be ready for our flight that took off early the next morning. Eventhough our day at Islands of Adventure was long and tiring, I was terribly sad to leave. In my opinion the part I missed the most was laughing at all the people that seemed to be miserable and cold, as my family was hot and sweaty. And of course the breakfast was the highlight of my day. After experiencing this amazing trip, I look forward to a chance of being able to return. Yet in the end I was glad to be headed home.
Finally at around eight in the morning, my entire family loaded into the three rental cars from Enterprise, and began the exciting end to our vacation. Luckily for my cousins and I, the drive was only about ten minutes from our resort. This was when we could tell that our patience was wearing thin after doing nothing but waiting for the past week. As we approached the park, excitement spread all over my family’s faces because of the fact we had never been there before.
After a kind elderly man directed us where to park, we pulled into our space with nothing but our bir Coloraco smiles. We immediately grabbed our bags and rushed to the ticket gate to enter the “Islands of Adventure.” Seeing as though it was fairly early, everyone was a little hungry, so we stopped at a little shop called Cinnabon. To be honest, this was by far the best pecan cinnamon that I had ever ate. After the enjoyment of the delicious roll, I knew that this day awas going to be amazing.
After eating we began our adventure through the very large park. My older cousin Greg and I seemed to be somewhat amused at the fact that everyone around us was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, as we were only weraring shorts. Following our trip on all of the main rides, my cousin Lindsey and I decided to take a peek at all of the shops in the super hero branch of the amusement park. As we were walking around, we passed a comic book store. So being as childish as we are, we walzed in to the store to take a look around. As we entered, I grew into complete astonishment as I saw the stacks of comic books. It was then that we decided to just stay there and browse the entire store, noticing that there were even heroes neither of us had ever heard of.
Preceeding our journey through the comic book store, Lindsey and I met back up with the other members of my family. Our parents decided it would be a good idea to leave in order for us to be ready for our flight that took off early the next morning. Eventhough our day at Islands of Adventure was long and tiring, I was terribly sad to leave. In my opinion the part I missed the most was laughing at all the people that seemed to be miserable and cold, as my family was hot and sweaty. And of course the breakfast was the highlight of my day. After experiencing this amazing trip, I look forward to a chance of being able to return. Yet in the end I was glad to be headed home.
I liked your hook. Great Use of humor. I really like the order in which your story went. Strong visualations and word choice.
ReplyDeleteScore for audience and purpose: 3.8 A few pieces need to have a couple of tranistions to help the flow
Score for Format: 4
Overall Score: 48/50 98%
Great Work
good job. ive always wanted to go to Universal Studios and they way you described it made me want to go more.
ReplyDeleteZach, your word flow is amazing and i like the visual images you give. The only thing i think was odd is that it seemed like the ending was rushed. Keep telling about your adventure. The things that stood out was the words you used to describe your emotions. I liked that you had an awesome time and put it so well in words. So what was your favorite thing to do there?
ReplyDeleteI love your descriptions of your vacation, I almost felt like I was actually there with you. I can relate the most to Florida because I had the same impression when I went there for Christmas one year. It seemed so odd to me that people were actually wearing jackets. There were some misspelled words, but nothing to be concerned about. I like your piece alot so awesome job!
ReplyDelete